I'm not cut out for ministry. That's for sure. In a "been-there-done-that" testing of vocation, I am just not tempermentally suited to putting up with people's religious crap. Oh, sure, I can force myself to smile, listen and "be nice." But inside I'm thinking, "Would you just quit your whining? No, God is not punishing you by that police officer giviing you a speeding ticket." Or: "Yes, I'm sure that you thnk Jesus was a good man and all, but if you think he's just that, you're a heretic. Coffee?"
On the other hand, philosophy and the give and take of reasoned debate . . . well, who else would interrupt his class lecture on Descartes to chase a footnote in a translation of Aristotle's De Anima--to the snickering delight of the class: "He is such a nerd"--except someone whose temperment was pretty much shaped for academia?
But is termperment, or "giftedness," or (fill in blank), a basis for vocation? What the hell is vocation anyway? Is it little more than begging the question of God's divine approval of what I want to do with my life anyway? And why would I need that? I mean, I'm not trafficking in drugs, I'm not pimping, I'm not gambling. Isn't teaching and philosophy pretty much neutral? So long as I order such a life to God, isn't that enough? Do I then really need the "God's Vocational Seal of Approval"? Wouldn't that be overkill? Shouldn't I leave the "special vocation" stuff to the clergy and the monastics?
But if it's just about muddling along, what do you do when you hit a wall? What if I can't get around this? What if this barrier proves insurmountable? I've dragged my wife 800-plus miles from a climate she loves, limited her professional opportunities, placed on her the financial burden of supporting our household (and all it's attendant worries)--all this because I'm "tempermentally suited"? "Sorry, hon. I need a do-over." Yeah. That'll go over like the proverbial excrement in a punch bowl.
Fifteen years of vocational "discernment." And it may well be I still don't have a friggin' clue. Somehow I envy those folks who don't give this sort of thing a second thought and just look for the salary. But I'm not sure, really, what that would be like. In my former life as the manager of the training department of a customer service call center I was the geek who brought Plato: Complete Works for lunch time reading. God help me.
Posted by Clifton at March 21, 2003 08:47 PM | TrackBack