Lobster in a Bucket

i think doing a lobster-superhero bit would be an excellent new twist to the tradition.

I will follow you into any bucket, any time. Beating up women seems kinda bitter, thought, doesn't it?

I know I've been hung up on this for months now, but let me first say that that's a FREAKING AWESOME SKIT IDEA. Especially 'cause it'll me lots o' work building the pot! Imagine it...15 feet high black walls...it'll be awesome...

But...BATHTUBS! WE NEED BATHTUBS! I can still get us hooked up with copious amounts of bathtubs.

Oh...this would be good, 'cause it might be a bit offensive...some of hte Unknown hall could be BATHING in the bathtubs...with like little poof thingies that girls use with body wash and stuff like that, and they could have bathing caps on and whatnot. We could get them flesh colored undies so they'd be androgenous. That would be cool.

I must insist we push the limit of Covenant sensitivities. Last years skit was quality, but it did not do that. We did it the year before with a "birthing" scene and male kissing, we did it the year before with hurled Bibles and naked man in a box, and the year before that with copious amounts of garbage and sewage...Sensitivities MUST BE CHALLENGED!

Wait, I have a wife, I don't go to Covenant (anymore), why am I so into the skit?

Because you are a patriarch. It's like Moses, keeping an eye on Joshua from Mount Nebo. Or maybe you need a hobby.

hey matt, it's ellie from outback! i figured i'd check out your website. the skit sounds kinda wild, haha. anyways, just thought i'd say hi. my email is ellenknight@hotmail.com, my aim is ellenknight1. catch ya later.

Lets not forget that in last years skit we nailed several people in the forehead with raw meat and had the word "Fuck" clearly articulated to the audience twice. So that kind of defeats the argument that we havent continued to challenge sensitivities. I definitely like the skit idea Matt. I think Psycho Killer would be an absolutely perfect song selection. Do you think that at some point we might see the lobsters dancing to "Wild Wild Life"?

So far we have:

1) Lobsters being stewed around in some kind of giant pot by women. (Suggestion: we should open this scene with the Head's song "Once in a Lifetime." The lyrics are perfect. "And I say to myself, this is not my beautiful wife. And I think to myself, 'How did I get here!' After the days go by, water flowing under....") Now that I think of it, you have created a truly great theatrical representation of this song's lyrics.

2) The lobsters get out of the pot and fight back against the women (Psycho Killer would be great here)

3) Now, here is where we are stuck. Where do we go from here? I think at this point in the skit, after the lobster-superheroes defeat the women, you must instigate what Josiah is talking about, something that will take the skit to a whole new level. But remember, you are going to have to get this skit approved this year by President Nielson (he is going to tighten the reins after last year's fiasco), so you have to think reasonably here and think of something that will push the limits and yet not be too offensive. I think it would be great if after you guys beat up the women the song just stops and all the lobsters just stop, and while they are catching their breath, some guy in the audience stands up and shouts at the lobster something like "I cant believe you jerks just beat up a bunch of girls." Then several people staged throughout the audience (perhaps Five Points guys) open up these sealed containers of raw, stinky fish and start throwing the raw fish at the lobsters. The lobsters start reeling back in horror and shame (kind of like monsters do in the movies when they get stuff thrown at them). I am not sure where to go from here, but I think it would be great if someone with Aaron Mesh speech capabilities came out on stage and gave the audience some great dramatic monologue about how humans and lobsters should all be able to get along. When this speech ends, perhaps it would be the appropriate time to have a victory/reconciliation dance to Wild Wild Life. Let me know what you think.

todd you are a cinematic genius. but have you considered of getting a skit approved and then having someone (or the entire group of people) suddenly "improv" and have things go haywire and sensibilities challenged unbeknownst to said planners?

Whatever you do, you need to make sure there is a naked guy in a box....

You know Cock, you should come back and reprise your original roll as naked man in a box. Except this time, you'd be naked Lobster in a box.

Which gets me thinking, we should have all the genitalia areas of the lobsters cut out to reveal flesh colored undies...

Todd, I was doing some thinking, and you're right, last years skit DID challenge sensitivities, and got the RA (mesh) in alot of trouble, much like the skit my year and every year prior. I think a similar goal for this years RA (who desperately needs to get in trouble, he's about as "edgy" and "impure" as a Tacomah wedding gown) is appropriate. A clean-living hipster is an oxymoron I just can't abide, even if it makes Mrs. Allison very happy.

Todd and I were doing some talking and I think he's onto something with the Talking Heads music. I must insist though, that Miss America be played, somewhere, anywhere. I do think it'd be cool during the scene where we attack the "women" in the bathtubs and who are stirring the pot.

I was also doing some thinking about the girls in bathtubs...

Its a commonplace thing at Covenant that girls, when guys do a run through their hall, feel a very strong sense of their security shattered.

I feel that when they react like this, its an insult to the upright character of Covenant men (DP and Ellis Chaplin excepted). This is a "sensitivity" and stigma that I feel is ripe for satire/insult.

So I feel that if we were to have Catacombians dressed up in Victorian era "bathing whites" (you've seen this stuff in movies, it just looks like white nighties or shifts), and then get attacked by Catacombian Super-Hero Lobsters to the as yet to be determined Talking Heads song, it'd be a beautiful, beautiful attack on this fundamentalist puritan stigma.

I mean, most Covenant girls fear having their sense of security and privacy invaded by guys going into their rooms late at night pulling some prank. We take it to 11 by making them fear super-hero Lobsters attacking them while they're mid-way through a Herbal Essence shampoo! I can't help but utter "GENIUS!"

Ah...narcissism...

But I feel we're on to a good thing here. Again, I encourage the hearty exchange of ideas, and having discuss it with the wife, promise that I'll help out however I can, building the big pot or locating more bathtubs, whatever you need Matty.

Thankyou one and all. These ideas are great. Hopefully this skit will evolve into a bigger and badder creation that can totally rock the world of Covenant. I think working the bathtubs into the skit is key. What if the five points were dressed as girls but then they go back to their "rooms" to take a bath and take off their clothes only to find that they are nefarious lobster men. At this point the Lobster-Superheroes break out of their pot and attack the lobstermen while they're in their true form.
This way we'll attack lobstermen, and not women.
Another thing that struck me, I'm not sure that Matt Laslo will go for the dressing up like women thing. Will any of the Europeans?

if so, evidence they have not souls, and are but machines; sexy, tossled hair, sigur ros fan machines, but machines nonetheless.

Maybe we could kidnapp Matt Laslo and make him dress like a girl. You could keep him at my house for awhile. April might appreciate the company.

where do the sensibilities get challenged if they are lobster men and not women?

DP I don't want it to be so blatanly misgynist.

but see theyre not really women, theyre men cross-dressing as women, so its ambiguous.

Its not misogyny (however the heck you spell it) Matt. Its satire, humor. Dont' go soft on me now Matty.

Though...it is your senior year. Time to get you engaged!

But the image is that they're women. In any case, the picture of the women not being the problem but rather the lobstermen (the devil) being it is the better statement because it's more true.

Matt, Satan is played by a woman in the upcoming film "The Passion."

This is not to say that men aren't the problem, but it's a problem shared mutually.

I don't get the Lobstermen/Satan metaphor. What am I missing?

Matt was saying Men are evil, hence the Lobsters attacking. I made the point that women are evil also, to the extent that even Mel Gibson has Satan portrayed by a woman in his upcoming film.

i just want to hit some women...wait...no. thats not what i meant. i meant...aww forget it.

I think it'll be cool. I figure it'll be carthartic. Everytime April and I get in a fight or a disagreement, I'll just save all that energy for Mbutu the Lobster, and then channel it in the skit!

We shouldn't beat up women or men dressed up like women for the finale of our skit. Yes it pushes the envelope. Yes we'll feel cool. But a lot of things push the envelope and can make one feel cool. I'm suggesting that people would too easily get the wrong idea about what we're saying if we just fight women.
I don't think that anyone wants to say that we hate women because of what they do to us so it will be much more cathartic to pretend beat the whole gender up. For one I don't really feel that, and even if I did I would not want ot act on those feelings because those feelings would be sin.
In my mind we have a skit where us, the lobsters, almost boil themselves to death at the sight of all these women prancing around on the outside of our pot. We break free of our confines and figth amongst ourselves for a while, as lobsters are wont to do, eventually we realize that we all love each other, and don't wont to fight each other. We begin to get steamed at the women for making us almost boil ourselves. We decide they are the problem and attack them. But these weren't really women at all. They're Lobstermen, dressed up as women, using the facade in hopes of getting us to undo ourselves. So the lobsters beat up the lobstermen thereby banishing the instigator of the evil in their hearts (getting "hot" over the women in the first place).

Matt, we'll talk about this when you get back into town, where I can yell at you. Hopefully I'll be calmer then, and wont just beat the snot out of you.

can i watch? either way, id like to watch.

DP can't watch, or he has to pay a hundred.

Matt,
That seems to be the most sensible idea yet. Of course, the drama major in me must also say that it's the most practical idea as well. Though this fighting girls, fun but...it may end the boys' chances of dating them...any of them...

Oh, trust me, those chances are already shot.

dead and buried. no worries there. so does that mean we're still fighting some women?

Lord knows I am. If we have to, we'll do our own skit.

im with you. maybe we can start a catacombs alumni skit. if they wont let us do it during the allotted time, we can advertise (like all good catacombs events) that we will be doing a post-skit night skit.

I'm in.

i'm game.the play would b a curtain raiser inorder to take away all the misconceptions & help people feel that they r not alone in how they feel.

One of the surest signs that God loves me is that he did not let me meet someone at Covenant that I came anywhere close to marrying. *grin* Met my wife four years after graduating and am very glad I did. It took me at least that long to figure out who the heck I was.

But wow, your description of the "Covenant Crush" sounds dead on the money. And I haven't gone there in 12 years -- guess some things never change. *shudder* Tape that skit and post it online, wouldja?