Quick Poll...

Yes. He should definitely bring it up with the other roommate. It might be a little awkward at the moment, but it would be more awkward in the long term for all three. By not mentioning it to the roommate, it's also putting the girl in an awkward situation. Once, when I had several roommates, one started the ex of another, and she asked the roommate if it would bother her, and they got it in the open right up front, and I think the first girl really appreciated it, esp. now that the ex and the second girl are now married.

Personally, I'd be a little weirded out by a girl that would date her ex's roommate. That indicates leanings towards the psycho-nut end of the spectrum as far as I'm concerned.

I'm not so sure. Janelle dated Holton and we're good friends. She's no psycho nut, not in the least.

If you need psycho nut stories. I've got psycho nut stories.

Quintus, I'd try it if I could! Despite rumors to the contrary...

Ok, let me play devil's advocate. Hehe. I'd say that it's none of the roommate's business. He gave up something that someone else respects and is attracted to. If the breakup was good, then the new guy is potentially looking at simply developing a friendship that already exists into a dating relationship. If the breakup was bad, then dating your roommate's ex could potentially be one of the most awkward social situations imaginable. The new guy couldn't ever have her over.

I'd say the matter deserves a whole lot of prayer.

Two things. First, you two weren't ever roommates. Second, she didn't immediately start dating Holton after you, which is the kind of thing I thought you were implying.

Two things:

Holton and I lived together for a summer! We worked together as RA's! We were in each other's weddings? Short of being a. brothers. b. best men, how much closer do you want us to be?

Define immediately? That's fairly relative. I think what's important, especially if its under a year or two, is that Mike would be the NEXT person she dated after his room-mate.

i dont see anything weird about dating an ex's rommmate, rye-dayg. do you like daygs? ok it was a typo, but i like it.

im for telling the roomey or even if its just a friend up front. maybe he/she oughtta be told even before the deed is done... the scouting report is always a valuable perspective even if its a bitter one, and the asking beforehand lets you know how the friend in question will feel so that you still have the option of not asking the girl if the friend in question matters a lot to you and he feels strongly against it.

I don't think there are a whole lot of rules for dating relationships. If there are, I don't understand them. But here are my basic three:

1. No begging.

2. One at a time (also known as the "No Harem" rule.)

3. Don't bat clean-up for your buddies .

These rules are simple and obvious, and breaking them will eventually make you unhappy and pathetic. (You can also keep these rules and still be unhappy and pathetic, but that's another matter.) Rules two and three are, of course, affected by time issues, but if you're still rooming with somebody, then chances are not much time has passed, you are in clear violation, and your roommate is within his rights to place all your personal belongings in the hallway.

And I'll go ahead and cross the line with a question: doesn't it seem possible that dating your current roommate's recent ex suggests a sublimated homoerotic attraction to the roommate?

Mesh, what do you mean by rule 3? Don't clean up your friend's mess?

And I think that dating a current roommate's recent ex would only indicate subliminal homoerotic attraction if the roommates are sleeping in the same bed.

I think what he meant was don't be the rebound guy for your friends ex-girlfriend, just got too many flammable elements...including the arrogance of thinking you COULD be the savior of the ex...

(The last post may have been a bit grumpy in tone. Come to think of it, this one may be, as well. Sorry, bad day and all that.)

Define "batting clean-up." Hmmm... Basically, it means taking part in a rebound relationship when the rebounder is rebounding from your friend. Again, like I said, time plays a factor in figuring out when you're batting clean-up and when it's a whole new inning. But here's a good litmus test: Did you first get to know the potential date while your bud was with her/him? Did you first develop interest in her/him while your bud was with her/him? Does your friend still have belongings of the former flame, which he/she will someday want back? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you might want to take a long walk and think about it a bit.

Just my opinion, of course.

You know, it might help if I explained where I got the term...

In baseball, the clean-up hitter is the fourth batter in the order. Let's say the first batter gets on base, or the first two. If the third batter (often the best hitter in the lineup) can't bring the runners home, the clean-up hitter is supposed to do the job. Even if all three batters get on base with singles, it's still the clean-up hitters job to get them home, to finish the task.

So a clean-up hitter is somebody who tries to succeed where his teammates did not. Great in baseball, not in love.

So I went to Nick Hornby's web site and asked DJ GoodNews for an answer to the following question: Should a guy tell his roommate that he has asked the roommate's ex-girlfriend out?

"You really want to think hard about that," he responded.

I then asked him to define batting clean-up.

"You're not all there," he explained. "In like, the spiritual sense of the word."

DJ GoodNews has the gift. Healing fingers.

for the record, I'm generally on the side of Mesh,. Mistakes in the friends vs. special friends category are usually related to funny ideas about the attainable intimacy level (AIL) of the aforementioned warring categories of relations. All clear? Good, good.

of course, none of this applies if you're just looking for a hands on sponsor for cross-gender relational "perks" right?

I agree with Mesh's rules, he's a smart guy. It seems like whether you tell your roommate or not depends on the roommate. If the roommate is an ass and wouldn't be able to handle it, then no. If the roommate is a mature responsible adult (and aren't well all) then perhaps yes. Personally whether they'd be able to handle it or not I think my approach would be to let them know indirectly. Not straight up tell them, but let it be known in some way non-confrontational.

If the girl is hot, and you are desperate, getting her off the rebound could be your only chance. (being facetious...) However, rebound relationships are almost always bad news. Too much emotional baggage to deal with. Emotional baggage displays itself very often in the form of a psycho nut. And Krueger has a good point about the roommate aspect.

Bro's before Ho's man

Oh yeah, definitely. He needs to not just tell the roommate; he needs to have a big sitdown with the guy. The whole "he shouldn't be interested" since the roommate's the one who did the breaking up is a technical point that, I'm thinking, will have no bearing on the roommate's actual feelings. He probably needs to wait about six to twelve months, too, if he wants to hold onto that friendship. (I'm speaking from experience here).

Hey...someone said something about the roommate being an ass or not being an ass? I think that is one of the big considerations here. If the roommie is an ass, leave him/her out of it. If not, THEN it's Bro's before ho's (or Sisses before Dickies, haha).