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September 11, 2005
Two days.
I don't how much you're supposed to publicly talk about losing a baby, but I just wanted to again say thanks for all the kind words offered up here and elsewhere over the last couple days. While at first I said it'd be awhile before I was posting here again, I suppose this is as good a place as any to organize and drop my thoughts about what's happened.
Today/tonight, while out with some friends who recently brought home their newly adopted son, I almost cried in front of them. It is not in my nature to do such a thing (I'm a guy...and it was in public), but I guess everybody reaches their breaking point somewhere along the line. You try to be strong and say that you are going to get through it. And, yes, we will. But it's still extremely hard.
I guess I could take a scientific approach, change the definition to make me feel better. It wasn't baby, just a mass of cells. Yeah, that's it.
But that won't fly. From the box that the prenancy test came in, to the first doctor's visit, to the showers that were to be planned, to the ultrasound that brought us to to our knees, the only word that was ever used was "baby."
And to think, some women fight tooth and nail for the right to kid themselves and feel this miserable.
But what do I know? I'm just the stupid man.
| By colrus | 01:25 AM
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