Irish Dreams

Irish Dreams

I want to retire in Ireland and live out the rest of my days by the sea.

I found out that the type of harp I got for christmas is a Celtic (Irish) folk harp. I hold it in my lap while playing.
Its so much fun to play and easy to learn since I took piano when I was a kid, but the hardest part is getting down sharping the strings.
You have to flip these little levers at the top while playing..
I've become very interested in the Irish culture, I have no idea why really.
I'm pretty sure part of my heritage is Irish.
I recently snagged a *fantastic* book on Ireland!
Its a panoramic picture book of Ireland, and some of the constructions ancient/modern day Irish people have created are simply amazing! Lighthouses and buildings rising out of sheer rock! I plan on painting some of these images. The truly capture my imagination.

I have a couple of Celtic Myths/ Irish info books on my wishlish at amazon. I'll purchase them once I feel I can spare the change.
Looks like I'll have to get a new bookshelf soon though!
I'm surprised! I've already got three!!
~*~ Mental note to self: get mineral/geology book ;D

I feel so helpless at times when my friends tell me of these problems and I haven't got a quick answer. I know it will just take time to work things out, hence why my mind keeps turning things over long after conversations have ended.

for the teenage years

[13:53] BLiNK iZ0: hey
[13:53] BLiNK iZ0: heh
[13:53] BLiNK iZ0: stupid to spam ur inbox with shit as i think of it
[13:53] BLiNK iZ0: when ur online x.x
[13:53] BLiNK iZ0: If you really wanted to resolve the situation why dont you talk to _ or _
[13:53] BLiNK iZ0: have you tried hearing what they have to say?
[13:54] ACEofspades185: Yeah, I have.
[13:54] ACEofspades185: I sat there and listened for sever hours.
[13:54] ACEofspades185: It was sad, the only topic they regularly could think of solid thoughts was how appearently "Stupid" _ is.
[13:54] ACEofspades185: And whats really sad, is to their face, they actually act like they're his friend.
[13:54] ACEofspades185: Its sad really.
[13:54] ACEofspades185: But, I wasn't hitting them directly.
[13:55] ACEofspades185: I.E. why I did it on Myspace.
[13:55] ACEofspades185: Because granted, they are the first people I'm going to make stop, I wanted to make an example to every one else.
[13:55] ACEofspades185: If you want to talk shit about some one, do it in privacy.
[13:55] ACEofspades185: Now around me.
[13:55] ACEofspades185: not**
[13:56] ACEofspades185: But on the bright side, I'm quitting smoking :)
[13:56] ACEofspades185: Well, I'm trying to again.
[13:57] ACEofspades185: HAHAHA.
[13:57] BLiNK iZ0: so why is all this drama happening again?
[13:57] ACEofspades185: You did spam my email.
[13:57] BLiNK iZ0: because _ and _ think _ is "stupid"?
[13:57] ACEofspades185: No.
[13:58] ACEofspades185: Because they say he's their friend to start with, and then as soon as he leaves, they talk shit about him to every one. And I'm not going to stand for it.
[13:59] BLiNK iZ0: then the way to end this is simple>.>
[13:59] ACEofspades185: I admire a man who has the honor and integrity to tell some one to their face how they feel, no matter how direct or indirect it is, but when you call some one a friend and then talk shit about them.
[13:59] ACEofspades185: Really.
[13:59] ACEofspades185: Go for it.
[13:59] BLiNK iZ0: Tell them not to talk badly about any of your friends around you.
[13:59] ACEofspades185: Hah.
[13:59] ACEofspades185: And do you think _ and _ will stop?
[13:59] ACEofspades185: _ hates me.
[13:59] ACEofspades185: And they're both to arrogant of ass holes to listen to me even if I asked them not to.
[13:59] BLiNK iZ0: if you ask them to stop bashing people around you politely, they should.
[14:00] ACEofspades185: But its _.
[14:00] ACEofspades185: He doesn't listen to any one because every one is inferior in every way.
[14:00] BLiNK iZ0: it doesn't matter man if hes an employee of _ and you are technically a patron of that facility
[14:00] BLiNK iZ0: then out of respect for his clients and his job security he will shut his mouth
[14:00] ACEofspades185: I will try, but I doubt it.
[14:01] BLiNK iZ0: otherwise don't be around those type of people, you're better than that
[14:01] BLiNK iZ0: Just ask the two of them politely to not bash your friends while you're around.
[14:01] BLiNK iZ0: tell them that its not cool
[14:01] ACEofspades185: See, its not just me though, its the fact that they lie to him every time they see him.
[14:01] BLiNK iZ0: honey you can't change people.
[14:01] ACEofspades185: They shouldn't be talking shit about him at all.
[14:01] BLiNK iZ0: they have to change themselves.
[14:02] BLiNK iZ0: thats where you should take pity and heart for them
[14:02] ACEofspades185: No, but I can give them reasons why they should change faster.
[14:02] BLiNK iZ0: and hope that one day they will come around.
[14:02] BLiNK iZ0: yes.. but for them to actually listen you have to make convincing arguments with logic, not your fists.
[14:02] ACEofspades185: I know.
[14:03] ACEofspades185: What did you think I was gonna run down there proverbial guns blazing?
[14:03] BLiNK iZ0: Asking them to stop bashing your friends while you're around is a start.
[14:03] BLiNK iZ0: heh
[14:03] BLiNK iZ0: how am i supposed to know;P
[14:03] ACEofspades185: Hah, I'm gonna make _ feel like a piece of trash infront of god and every one, give him some humility.
[14:03] BLiNK iZ0: hope for the best but prepare for the worst
[14:03] ACEofspades185: I know hun.
[14:03] BLiNK iZ0: how are you going to do that?
[14:03] ACEofspades185: _ takes great pride in the fact that he does nothing that warrants insulting.
[14:04] ACEofspades185: He takes pride in the fact that he doesn't do drugs, he doesn't drink, he doesn't do this or that.
[14:04] ACEofspades185: But, one thing he can no longer take pride in is his integrity, and that will be his weakness.
[14:04] ACEofspades185: He makes fun of so many people for so many things.
[14:04] ACEofspades185: Just bashes them publicly... I think its his turn.
[14:05] ACEofspades185: Not only that, I come up with alot of shit at random... so its ok.
[14:06] BLiNK iZ0: well
[14:06] BLiNK iZ0: i see your point
[14:06] BLiNK iZ0: giving him a taste of his own medicine.. i can't say it wasn't coming to him if things are as you say
[14:06] ACEofspades185: I don't know how to deal with _ though.
[14:06] BLiNK iZ0: i guess im asking out of an attempt to preserve your integrity..
[14:06] BLiNK iZ0: make it intelligent:P
[14:06] ACEofspades185: _ is big, arrogant, strong, and just as _, self rightouse.
[14:07] ACEofspades185: Hahaha.
[14:07] BLiNK iZ0: whats your dish with wish
[14:07] ACEofspades185: Same as _.
[14:07] ACEofspades185: They ran through just about every one at the _, just tearing them apart.
[14:08] BLiNK iZ0: where?
[14:08] BLiNK iZ0: when?
[14:08] ACEofspades185: I sat there silently and listened for truths and lies. I wanted to know what they had to say before I did anything.
[14:08] ACEofspades185: Xmas Eve
[14:08] BLiNK iZ0: sometimes people have to put others down to make themselves feel better
[14:08] ACEofspades185: At the _
[14:08] ACEofspades185: In the little couch area.
[14:08] BLiNK iZ0: well
[14:08] ACEofspades185: It was myself, _, _ and _.
[14:08] BLiNK iZ0: hm
[14:08] ACEofspades185: I think some one else was there, but I don't remember who.
[14:08] BLiNK iZ0: on one hand i say you should have said something at the time it was happening
[14:09] BLiNK iZ0: on the other hand you could use the time to your advantage
[14:09] BLiNK iZ0: by saying you know guys, i thought it over cause i really didnt know what to think about everything you two were saying on xmas eve
[14:09] ACEofspades185: I thought about that too, but honestly, I didn't want to say anything without knowing what was going through their heads.
[14:09] ACEofspades185: I didn't know the relationship he had with _.
[14:09] BLiNK iZ0: but i really don't appreciate the way you were talking about my friends
[14:09] BLiNK iZ0: so if you're so compelled to do something so (insert lovely adjectives here) as that
[14:10] BLiNK iZ0: I ask that you not do it around me.
[14:10] BLiNK iZ0: imho i don put up with it from the start
[14:10] BLiNK iZ0: if people are talking shit i say hey , look i don't wanna hear it
[14:10] BLiNK iZ0: if its just talking shit
[14:10] BLiNK iZ0: now if someone has a problem and wants to talk about it like wants advice or something
[14:10] BLiNK iZ0: ill sit there and listen
[14:10] BLiNK iZ0: and try to help
[14:10] ACEofspades185: Same here.
[14:11] ACEofspades185: But that wasn't the case, it was simply to vent and talk shit about something he sees as inferior.
[14:11] BLiNK iZ0: instead of bashing others maybe he should try to help them get on his level since he is so superior
[14:11] BLiNK iZ0: instead of being a person of such moral integrity that it slows everyone down
[14:11] BLiNK iZ0: why not be a leader for his comrades
[14:12] BLiNK iZ0: and help set in motion the changes that he thinks will be so
[14:12] BLiNK iZ0: much better
[14:12] BLiNK iZ0: or whatever
[16:18] BLiNK iZ0: got a question for ya
[16:18] BLiNK iZ0: after our whole long discussion
[16:18] ACEofspades185: Ok, shoot.
[16:19] BLiNK iZ0: what advice would you tell someone who claims that "some people don't learn any other way"
[16:21] ACEofspades185: I don't really know.
[16:24] BLiNK iZ0: i disagree with it but i can't say why
[16:24] BLiNK iZ0: i think it comes down to a matter of respect
[16:25] BLiNK iZ0: between the people
[16:25] BLiNK iZ0: so its not a matter of learning as much as it is one of respect?
[16:25] BLiNK iZ0: because without respect lessons can not be passed on
[16:27] ACEofspades185: True
[16:27] BLiNK iZ0: but it also comes down to being unable to change a person
[16:27] BLiNK iZ0: i mean i think she's having the same issue as you
[16:28] BLiNK iZ0: where its like you can't do anything about people who will talk behind other's backs other than tell them to shut up when you're around and or tell them to make a difference by helping in areas that they see with "issues"?
[16:28] ACEofspades185: Yeah.
[16:29] BLiNK iZ0: do you care if i post our conversation to her
[16:29] BLiNK iZ0: our earlier one
[16:29] ACEofspades185: Thats fine by me.
[16:29] ACEofspades185: If it can help her then so be it.
[16:30] ACEofspades185: I'm all about some help.
[16:31] BLiNK iZ0: hahah
[16:37] BLiNK iZ0: well
[16:37] BLiNK iZ0: ive saved the convo
[16:37] BLiNK iZ0: i responded tho
[16:37] BLiNK iZ0: saying it isn't as much logic as it is respect
[16:38] ACEofspades185: Yeah.
[16:38] ACEofspades185: Thats true.
[16:38] ACEofspades185: It is more respect, however, logic can be used to attain that respect.
[16:39] BLiNK iZ0: bah
[16:39] BLiNK iZ0: well
[16:39] BLiNK iZ0: yes
[16:39] BLiNK iZ0: but you could talk nonsense respectfully
[16:39] BLiNK iZ0: xD
[16:39] BLiNK iZ0: brb
[16:40] ACEofspades185: Lol
[16:40] ACEofspades185: K
[16:40] BLiNK iZ0: well
[16:41] BLiNK iZ0: respect fosters respect
[16:41] ACEofspades185: lol
[16:42] BLiNK iZ0: i think logic would have to be used if respect was not enough to gain respect
[16:42] BLiNK iZ0: like if u were nothign but polite and the other person was just mean
[16:43] BLiNK iZ0: try logic if that doesnt work
[16:43] ACEofspades185: Yup.
[16:43] BLiNK iZ0: id just walk away frmo them
[16:43] BLiNK iZ0: i mean
[16:43] BLiNK iZ0: first making sure the parting is because of their lack of respect and if they want to be friends or whatever great
[16:43] BLiNK iZ0: but otherwise dont surround urself with ppl like that
[16:43] BLiNK iZ0: u know?
[16:44] ACEofspades185: Yup yup.
[16:44] ACEofspades185: I agree completely.
[16:44] BLiNK iZ0: good conversations today
[16:45] BLiNK iZ0: <3

Embers and Envelopes

So I realized...

I wasn't enough.

Sorry, I did get all festive on myspace, don't want this blog to be so emo I ignore Christmas!
how silly.

Thanks to all thsoe who still read I guess..
although sometimes its easier to pretend you aren't there ;) on this blog anyway..

Did everyone have a good Christmas??

This Eve

So here I am sitting here thinking about you amidst all of the Christmas Cheer, remembering last time you were sitting in the kitchen; imagining what it would be like to see you amongst the flour, turkey, pies and other holiday movement. How do I feel knowing you are not here?
I'm wondering whether or not it will still matter next year.
Will I even remember years from now?
Why do I want to.

The tide of the season bids us to forget the old anxieties
to put aside our worries and sadness to make room to celebrate!
But it seems to me that the angels would have to understand sadness and loss as well as happiness and good fortune for them to play beautiful melodies upon their golden harps..

Noone can be blamed for such emotions. We all walk the paths we are meant to.

"Consider all things trite
Forgiveness will be the thing that gets us by." ~ Mae Embers and Envelopes

i have no enemy

I am so lonely.
so lonely even around my family, even living here at home.
I talked to my family about my lonliness and they tell me I need to "get out and meet new people"

bleh

Support This Artist!

What is the best way to get over a crush?
I am so..halved. I feel like someone or something is missing out of my life, and the only thing I can think of one thing to fix this.
So why is it that love only comes when you least expect it? It it always such an unwieldy a thing?? I can't control who I care for (I care for many..all of my friends) and I can't control how much I care for those I care for!

Its so aggravating waking up everymorning and the first thing I think of is "I bet everyone will love them as a couple. I know they'll have beautiful children.. the world will be at their feet."
I want to have a beautiful husband.. and beautiful children too.
I wish so desprately to be a part of a beautiful couple.. beautiful inside as well as outside. Someone I can count on to go on adventures with! like camping, hiking, bonnaroo, friday night drinking. Someone who will always be your dance partner. No matter what.
I know I said friends first
But how can I remain friends if friendly information just tears pieces of my heart away and causes me painful thoughts..ones that I know I must eventually come to terms with.

Its depressing looking at all the different people..
I feel so lost in the crowd.
I feel so lost in my own friend's haven. I hate going over there now.

~'*'~
you should never let anyone's perceptions or actions affect how you see yourself or your worth. Your life is personal to you, and it is up to you to influence your own value and sense of well-being.
~'*'~ DailyOM http://www.dailyom.com

Dear Tristan

.Dear Tristan

lt has been months now and still no word.
l know you're alive. We had a tattered parcel from New Guinea.
lt was covered with strange writing. lnside was a native bracelet.
Meant for me, l presume ... Perhaps not.
Do you still care to know what is happening here?
Cattle prices continue to fall. The winter seems never - ending.
Why don 't you write?
Are you never coming back, and are afraid to tell me?
Alfred continues to do well.
His business has expanded to Chicago and Washington.
He wants to send lsabel Two to school, but she won 't leave.
l think she, too, is waiting for you.
l have nowhere to send this letter.
And l have no reason to believe you wish to receive it.
l write it only for myself.
l'll hide it away with all the other things left unsaid and undone between us.

~*~

WILLIAM
(continuing)
I thought we were going to Morocco!
There's no Morocco. There's never been
a Morocco. There's not even a Penny
Lane. I don'teven know your real
name.

PENNY
If I ever met a guy in the real world,
who looked at me the way you just looked
at me...

WILLIAM
When and where does the real world
occur? I am really... confused here.
Fuck! All these Rules And all these
sayings... and nicknames...

PENNY
You know -- you're too sweet for rock
and roll.

WILLIAM
Where do you get off... where do you
get "sweet?" I'm not sweet. I'm dark
and mysterious and pissed-off and I
could be very dangerous to all of you...
I'm not sweet, and you should know
that about me! I am The Enemy.

PENNY
You're not any of those things and
that's what I love about you.

William stands there in disbelief, unable to look at her.

WILLIAM
You fall in love to keep from falling
in love.

PENNY
I don't want to go home!

WILLIAM
Well, I have to go home. And you never
helped me.

PENNY
Yes I did.

WILLIAM
That disc-jockey in Arizona got a better
interview than me... and he was asleep.

He starts walking back to the stage. She follows. They are
two very young kids thrashed by the seas of rock and roll.
His frustration increases. She just doesn't get it. Applause
in b.g. She grabs his shirt.

PENNY
Look. You should be happy for me.
You don't know what he says to me in
private. Maybe it is love. As much
as it can be with someone who --

WILLIAM
(blurts)
-- sold you to Humble Pie for fifty
dollars and a case of beer? I was
there!

He is instantly sorry. Her world privately crumbles, but she
tries to remain stoic and carefree.

PENNY
What kind of beer?

How can I miss someone who seems to be everywhere at once?
How can I miss you if you're close to my heart?

Random link for the day:
http://boards.bravotv.com/bb/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=29728&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=&fpart=20&vc=1

Imagine

Hey, it's ok.
I mean, its not like you should feel bad about the situation, you're only doing what's best, right?
I mean, I like to dream up my own world anyway, and i'm used to it crashing down by now. no big deal. Its just like dumping a platter of champagne glasses to the floor and watching them all scatter away. Sure you can't drink champagne anymore but the pieces glitter and sparkle in the low lighting, covered in their decadent wine. Did you know they become stars if you don't pick them up? Yeah! The more people that walk over them and leave their mark by grinding them into the ground and smaller and smaller pieces, the more stars there are.

Its ok though, because the dance goes on! We wear our masks and the dance is fleeting, until the morning comes.
What is life if not a masquerade among the constellations?

I'll just tell myself that you would have cheated on me anyway and go on living my life! I imagine that I would have been able to convince you of a masquerade in our grand home, inviting all of our closest friends.. but that the champagne tray became too heavy for me to carry that night when I saw the truth.

"Imagine." ~ John Lennon

cater to your voyeuristic tendancies and learn romanian!

12:16] g_h_0_z_t: Eu sunt un ninja roman!
[12:16] blinkryi: ok
[12:16] blinkryi: whats a good romanian channel to say that in
[12:16] blinkryi: hahaha
[12:16] blinkryi: eu = I?
[12:17] blinkryi: sunt = am
[12:17] blinkryi: ?
[12:18] g_h_0_z_t: yeah Eu = I, am = sunt ;) dunno any romanian channels of efnet. try #romania lol
[12:24] blinkryi: how do i say
[12:24] blinkryi: you are a roman ninja
[12:24] blinkryi: and "we are roman ninjas"
[12:25] g_h_0_z_t: Noi suntem ninja romani well u dont have the special a so it will look like 'latin roman' hah
[12:26] blinkryi: is that you are or we are roman ninjas
[12:27] g_h_0_z_t: "We are"; "you are is" either "tu esti" - singular or "Voi sunteti" - plural
[12:28] blinkryi: ok
[12:28] blinkryi: How do I say " I am your roman ninja"
[12:29] blinkryi: and how do i say "Because" in romanian
[12:29] blinkryi: lol last ones i promise
[12:29] g_h_0_z_t: gtg now, need to go to the railway station. ttl. ahhh ok last ones ;) for now lol
[12:30] blinkryi: Eu sunt ton ninja roman?
[12:30] g_h_0_z_t: its hard almost impossible to translate 'i am your romanian ninja' - smthin like 'eu sunt ninja ta romanca' (feminine); "Because" == "deoarece" but it might be some other word too depending on the situation
[12:31] blinkryi: ok Eu sunt ninja ta romanca deoarece noi suntem ninja romani!!!!!!!!!
[12:31] g_h_0_z_t: lol sounds ok ;)
[12:31] blinkryi: eu sunt ninja gh0zt romanca ?
[12:32] g_h_0_z_t: the gh0zt part is in a weird place so makes no sense ;)
[12:32] * blinkryi will harass you later
[12:32] blinkryi: learning romanian is fun!
[12:32] blinkryi: ok
[12:32] blinkryi: eu sunt gh0zt ninja romanca!
[12:33] blinkryi: eu sunt le ninja romanca de gh0zt
[12:33] * blinkryi try
[12:33] g_h_0_z_t: lol ok. see ya later. i am male so instead of 'romanca' it would be 'roman'. u mean 'i am gh0zt's romanian ninja'?
[12:33] blinkryi: yes
[12:33] blinkryi: eu sunt le ninja roman de gh0zt?
[12:34] blinkryi: eu sunt gh0zt ninja roman
[12:34] g_h_0_z_t: jeje, again the phrase topics is wrong. smthin like 'eu sunt ninja romanca a lui gh0zt'
[12:34] blinkryi: OK
[12:34] blinkryi: :D
[12:34] blinkryi: thank u
[12:35] g_h_0_z_t: we have special particles for 'posesive' case. seeeeeeeeee ya or my mother will kill me for waiting
[12:35] blinkryi: np
[12:35] g_h_0_z_t: buhbyes
[12:35] blinkryi: bye!

Then have my lips the sin that they have took.

I have bought the mansion of love but not yet possessed it and although I am sold, not yet enjoyed.