[insert witty title here]

Here it goes again. the temptation to resist this most public blog.
Its harder to be free and completely open with my thoughts..
Written and transposed:

I am currently searching for a place to rest.
I have found the failsafe, one that will always be there for me.. and that is home.

I've also been intrigued by the location of old cds of artists that I liked, music artists and even authors.
I'm rebuilding my libraries.

I had a fantastic Christmas.
completely blessed in every possible way imaginable.
I heard from my adopted soldier hottie from Iraq, took communion at my methodist church with a Jewish friend, spread smiles and happiness as much as I could.
I saw my great aunt, who is recovering swiftly from cancer treatment! She's asked me to continue to write her, which I shall certainly do, and I've had a blast unearthing precious stationary and novelty notecards.
The family was all together this Christmas,
I've discovered that I actually don't mind going to church, infact, I think I like it.
;)
I don't forsee myself becoming some jesus freak, as it was very interesting discussing the meanings of celtic and pagan and archimedial symbolism in new moon this afternoon. Its sad the reaction I got upon selecting a silver cross, the women becoming on edge--surely thinking they were in for a reprimand.
I got over the religion thing long ago....and still seem to remain pretty laid back about it.
I ended up not purchasing a cross, for one, none of them jumped out at me and two, I don't feel totally devoted to the faith enough to bear the symbol.
There are so many inner workings of Christianity that I doubt, and it leaves me longing for something more.
I sense the desire in me for some sort of representation or reminder of my faith or spirituality or what have you.
Its almost to the point where I am considering creating my own symbol.
Its funny though, that I should need a reminder, considering the wonders we go through each day, and take for granted due to necessity or impurity i know not which.
I figure our brain has to eliminate some information or else be overwhelmed!
What would the symbol mean to me? Why do I desire it so?

Speaking on concentration, that remained quite difficult at work today. I ended up having to do some of the colorist's work - lots of databases and numbers and meticulous details, not my usual fare....

I am amazed by the number of emotions that can transpire in the course of an hour.

I think I have finally settled on a new scent.
AE Aura has become my new fragrance.

I am also very excited about my new easel. I will have a studio at home.
Oh yeah, and making my own tshirts with my new screen printing kit! kazaam!!

Oh, wish me some unjinxed luck, I'm submitting to an art/design contest.

---

and, ah yes, I realized after looking through the Tennessee Conservationist Magazine, that that a love of the outdoors is essential.
General idea:

<3 wub.

The Blog

Starry greetings from Iraq

I met my sisters date in the parking lot.
It seemed quite a comparison.
He's a perfectly normal guy,
likes fishing
and sports
He's Christian
and dresses nicely.
He's kind to my family
and of course to my sister.

And he always seemed so considerate in every aspect
despite the times they argue.

There was something about seeing her date all dressed up, looking fine in his long trench coat, and leaving for the Back Inn Cafe that sure made my homemade chicken fettucini alfredo start to sound really lonesome.

I took solace behind the building.

............
Right now, I am exceptionally thankful.
I just heard from a good friend of mine who is a marine on the front lines in Iraq. Fallujah.
Please Pray for him and all of our soldiers.

I am *SO FREEAKING HAPPY TO HEAR FROM HIM!!!***
Its amazing to know hes ok, I am so happy, I almost cried when I talked to him.
I've thought about him nearly every day since he's been gone in September.
I am unbelievably happy to know that he is ok.
Now to make it to April...
<3
I plan on sending a package off, who knows, maybe it will make it in time for New Years. ^_^

So, my dinner wasn't quite so lonesome, I spent it in a discussion with a mate across the world. Two's company..

My co-worker gave me some good advice though.
He's the one that tells me my life is a Lifetime soap opera. While I'm not so sure about that, he did give me good advice to just make it through the holidays, and then re-evaluate things.

.............
Her date wears long black wool coats,
thought perhaps there *was* a lint roller in his car
and talks of the nice things in the pottery barn catalog.
. . . . . .
Is this what I want?
What do I want?

You know, its funny.
I recognized today, that I am in a dangerous part of my life.
I'm starting to form my own opinions.
My coworker asked me if that was bad? And I said no, as long as those opinions are still open to change.
That is one thing that I do fear, consider dangerous, and potentially very limiting, as I am the only one who can box me in.

...have you ever seen the stars in the desert?

wear your gloves

Wow.
Where to start.
Today was such a good day!!

I started reading a great book last night, got to stay at home because of the snow, so my bed was extra cozy;)
I found that my taste in reading has changed drastically. The scary vampire books now bore me. Alice Borchardt was the best I could find at home.
I'd prefer to have a library. A very large library once I have a home.

Anyway, the highest point of the day was working out. I got to work out as long as my little heart desired. It was F A N T A S T I C!!!
Usually I'm so pressed and stressed to get in and out of the gym.
Today I just took my time, worked on two machines and even discovered a new weight machine woohoo.

Now, with a clean dog and a stack of Christmas cards, I'm starting to wind down.
...even work was good. I had a fantastic lunch break.
I went to my secret spot...
one that is hidden on one of the mountains surrounding Chattanooga, and even off the historical record, per the Downtown Library's Regional history area.
I did some research on this structure that I just fell-in-LOVE with... and couldn't find it. !! It simply didn't exist! I found the tip of the roof in an old photograph dating around 1956, but its got to be older than that.
Anyway.
I travelled up the mountain and had a mini picnic with my mojo burrito and spiced tea.
I would have stayed longer had i brought my gloves >_<
I'll have to thanks my parents for dragging me to all the national parks, taking us camping and general good for you wholesome family stuff.
I don't think I'd have ventured out to my adopted haven on a NEGATIVE ZERO Yes, negative zero. day

Add this to your favourites

http://fishvoyeur.com/

and, check this out:
www.cuworld.com

www.rit.edu/~gssp400/Blink/blinkinstr.html

THEORY AND INSTRUCTIONS FOR ATTENTIONAL BLINK
When people respond to a target (T1) in a rapid serial visual presentation series, their perception of a subsequent target farther down the series (T2) is impaired if the intertarget stimulus onset asynchrony is between about 100 and 500 ms. This impairment is known as an "attentional blink".

Several theories have been proposed to account for the attentional blink.

The Inhibition Theory

Raymond et al. (1992) proposed that the attentional blink (AB) is produced by perceptual confusion between the target (T1) and subsequent target (T2). They suggest that this confusion occurs during the target identification processes. Therefore, if confusion can be eliminated, then no AB should be observed. Raymond et al. suggest that one way of eliminating confusion is to have items than cannot be named.

The Interference Theory

Shapiro et al. (1994) proposed that an interference model may better explain the AB effects than the inhibition model. In the Interference Theory, the AB is thought to occur because an inappropriate item is selected out of series because of competition (interference) among the multiple items in the series. Shapiro suggests that the amount of interference increases with increasing size of the series and decreases with decreasing size of the series.

The Delay-of-Processing Theory

The AB deficit is said to arise from the decay of T2 when the person's cognitive processes are busy processing T1. It is suggested that anything that increases the difficulty of T1 processing will result in a greater AB deficit.

The Attentional Capacity Theory

Duncan et al. (1994) have proposed that T1 occupies attentional capacity to the detriment of a trailing T2 target. This theory suggests that the duration for which T1 continues to occupy attentional capacity is related directly to the T2 processing difficulty.

The Two-Stage Processing Theory

Chun & Potter (1995 ) propose that rapidly processing a series of items requires two sequential stages: an initial rapid-detection stage (Stage 1) in which potential targets are detected, and a second capacity-limited stage in which items are processed serially for subsequent report. Access to Stage 2 is gained by items that have been identified as potential targets in Stage 1. And, until Stage 2 finishes processing T1, T2 cannot gain access to Stage 2. If T2 arrives in Stage 1 before Stage 2 is free, its access to Stage-2 processing is delayed. The AB deficit is brought about by the decay of T2 in Stage 1 during this delay. This theory suggests that the amount of AB will depend on the discriminability of T1. If Stage-2 processing of T1 is not slowed down by discriminability problems, processing of T2 is not delayed, and the AB deficit is reduced or eliminated.

Painting I

http://home.comcast.net/~blinkn/painting/

lets start with the basics

So I'm working out, notice a particularly nice looking guy, and suddenly it clicks: If one of the important things to me is a man who takes care of himself and prefers to be physically fit, well, I'd figure "the gym" would be the most obvious place to start.
small realization.
big duh.
Its a wonder how I tie my own shoes in the morning. bwaha :P

Why I should not regret June

Ok.

I am Ripvanwinkle, having slept for some inordinate amount of time...and upon awakening, have started to brush the leaves away from my clothes.

I feel like I am finding myself again

These past two years I have been trying to heal a wound so deep.. that I needed the belief that there was something better out there.
... I'll cut to the chase.
I "invented an Abbot. "
I think I've finally realized that these past two years I've idealized one person to be the epitome of all the things I've ever needed and wanted.
There's really no other way to describe it.
On a June excursion during the first 6 months after a failed relationship, I had "the perfect opportunity" that was "perfectly" not taken advantage of.
Sure, I've dated other people since my ex of four-years, but in hindsight, it sure makes a lot of sense why I didnt assert myself more, and why my actions were so raw. I was desprately grasping at straws-- scrambling to assure myself that there was something stable underneath.

Now, I have no idea why I chose this person, and I really feel that if it hadn't been him it would have been someone else.
I think this is my mind's way of protecting my heart from the heh,
harsh reality that Mr Right wasn't right around the corner (just then).
So its so hard not to be completely analytical about this, as I realize my tendancy to be a "hopeless romantic".
The more pessimistic side tends to say I chose him because I knew it would be impossible, therefore making it more "safe".
The otherside would think that this person held the most qualities of my idealization.
I was trying to make him something he was not.

But, this realization explains um, just about everything..how I've acted these past two years...why I got hurt repeatedly AND why I kept going back.

What this does not explain, is what happens next >^_^<

This realization makes my heart fall short in a sense, and if this does not explain my actions, then it explains my attempt to "get over" this idealization.
Its funny, how I've put off other guys simply for the idea that this might happen.
I'm shaking my head as I write this.
It truly is how I fall in love, and what happens when I do.

I don't see anyone else. I care not for anyone else, or if my eye is turned, I always hope that my partner and I have turned in unison.
How blind that eye has been.

My heart is lightening.
I am glad that I am starting to see things clearly, and I am glad that I will finally be able to see things the way they really are, and give credit where credit is due.

There is only one good way to end this entry.
peace.

journeys, water and stain repellent

A lot has happened today.
I've finished up my exams, it feels wonderful to not have to worry anymore.
I got to walk outside in the hail storm. It was rather impulsive.. but I decided I wanted the experience.
We also had our company party, that was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed the new restaurant. Now whether or not Sweet Basil is better than Thai Smile.. ahhh
What a decision to have to make.

I just watched that movie, it is beautifully sad.
Rather like Legends of the Fall, but more about the present-day social realities of living in a small town. It was good. I'd suggest it if you've got the time.

My sister has been complaining about how small Chattanooga is.. or rather.. that noone has any parties.
I just blinked at her, and told her to go join a sorority.
I kinda feel for her, because I remember how proactive I was socially, even just last year.
Now I just don't give a shit. Living off campus has...something to do with it.
But we've decided that Wednesdays and Thursdays would be best.

Chattanooga doesn't get -really- fun until your 21. She really is a lucky sob. (sister of a ..)
I sure wish I had an older sister to buy my alcohol. Do you understand how much easier life would have been? Not having to worry about sneaking into rhythm and brews on halloween? How stupid.
She's had it easy on some respects. And I'm happily available for her.

My life is going to change drastically if I do decide to haul off to Texas. I'm not sure whether or not I'll enjoy the summers,
but a couple trips to Mexico and a nice hat would suit me just fine.

I have calmed down. And man its nice. It makes all the stupid things in life so much more manageable.
A part of me realizes that I don't "have" to stay here. That its ok to leave some things behind. I guess that should just show me that maybe its better if they are.

Things are starting to play out alright.
By this I mean, I've been into gaming since I've had a boyfriend (doh!)
I loved throwing parties, especially LAN parties. Not that I even necessarily game like some of the addicts that showed up, I'd rather be fkking.
That needs to be a bumper sticker.
Sorry, was that crude? Must be the wine talking >^_^<
back on topic: so what i've started out doing may very well be what I end up doing.
fantastic.

12:40:slides

The Athapaskan Effect

Forgive if a bit crude, written under a tight deadline

A close study of the geography of the Northwestern coast of the New World lends many clues to the ultimate factors behind the linguistic distribution of its prehistoric Native inhabitants. Their linguistic distribution can be explained through the patterns of arrival, cultural practices and movement throughout the western North American coast. The Northwestern tribes lived in one of the most abundant areas of the New World; their cultural arrangement and social stratification built upon the foundations of the abundant animal life, temperate rain forests and rich costal marine resources. The Athapaskan, Penutian and Salish language groups were the three largest populations to inhabit the "Northwestern Cultural Area," which, for reasons of this essay is defined to span about one hundred miles inland from the Pacific Ocean, stretching between 54 degrees latitude from the Southern tip of Alaska by the Stikine and Iksut rivers to 35 degrees latitude, the northern boundary of the Sierra Nevada mountain range. It will be seen that technological innovation of the Haida would shape the linguistic distribution of the northwestern costal area.

By the end of the Pleistocene, the average rainfall of the Northwest coast would range anywhere from 80-400 inches per year, very similar to today's averages. The coast line is dotted with various islands and inlets, and in winter months the temperate rain forests receive about 8-7 hours of sunlight. Social structure of the Northwestern tribes was centered around hunting and gathering, and due to high amounts of rainfall and moderate seasons, populations could remain stationary. The Natives relied on marine life as well as the rich inland flora and fauna.This type of complex hunting and gathering is unique to the northwestern coastal region.
The Tlingit and Haida tribes are part of the Na-Dene or Athapaskan language group; inhabiting a large range of the Alaskan and Canadian interior, as well as long stretches of coastline. The clan based social structure prevented linguistic meshing with southern neighbors, and innovation in maritime technology caused population movements in later centuries. The Tlingit and Haida were the first of the migration wave, as demonstrated by the linguistic variations along the Northwestern coast. It is thought that this population traveled southward from the Bering Strait land bridge, possibly following seal and other mammals along the coastal waters of Alaska. (Diamond 1999:43-44)
Patterns of dialects seem chaotic and jumbled but can be accounted for using geography. Around 10,000 B.C. large glacial mountain range divided the prehistoric migration into two parts.
One segment of the population traveled along the coastal region while the other segment took an interior route through northwestern Canada. This glacial mountain range would divide the ancestral population long enough (based on rates of expansion) to cause such changes in language that the two would form separate dialects, if not becoming mutually unintelligible.

This initial division due to geography would be the ultimate cause that turned the Athapaskan phylum into the Salish language family. The Tlingit and Haida tribes progressed down the coast more quickly than their sister Salish. In fact, the Salish did not turn westward until mid-Montana where a break in the glacial mountain ranges allowed a westward expansion. Calculating the approximate rate of expansion, the two populations reestablished contact after about 600 years of isolation. (Krantz 1977:9-18)
The last population to reach the Northwestern Coastal area were the Penutian, who continued southward from the ancestral Salish population, but turned west on the Snake River Plain. Both Salish and Penutian encountered the Cascade Mountain range, a geographical barrier that due to elevation, can only be surpassed on either end. It was beyond this mountain range that the Athapaskan were already inhabiting the coast of present-day Washington and Oregon. The reason for the early Athapaskan early arrival was due to their choice of migration down the coast, having been split so early on. The Athapaskan were not interested in moving inland, and remained on the coast where their sea-faring culture thrived. Once the Salish and Penutian arrived, they did not push the Athapaskan out of their multiple residences along the coast, but filled in the deeply inset coastal regions that the Athapaskan overlooked. Despite their presumably larger population, this phenomena is best explained by Krantz's rules of population migration from his paper, "The Populating of Western North America" from 1977. He asserts, "the first group into an area tends to occupy that area indefinitely," (Krantz 1977:4). His reasoning states that a group with no technological advantage will be unsuccessful in taking the land from a previously inhabiting group; the original population has the home field advantage of knowing the land and its resources, lending them the only upper hand available in battle (Krantz 1977:4-5) . This first-man in hypothesis lends a solid explanation to the complex tribal arrangement.
Culture, as much as geography lends itself to the manipulation of linguistic barriers. The Northwestern Cultural Area, as previously stated, is based on a complex hunting and gather society. This unique form of social structure has many original characteristics, including a tribe/clan/house arrangement and a social stratification of elders,commoners and slaves. Because there are no significant geographical barriers to prevent linguistic homogeny, the social arrangement due to environmental abundance is the key. The population pattern of the coastal region was the first step of linguistic diversity. There is no reason for a tribe to change its custom or to become absorbed by a larger invading population, frankly due to Krantz's "first population in" hypothesis. If there is no superior technology, warfare is kept to a minimum, as loss of life is not desired or even necessary. The environmental capacity is so high, the Natives had no reason to fight for resources: they were literally flowing into their doorstep with each tide change or rain shower.
The Northwestern Native Americans were unilineal and exogamous with a the exception of the Kwakiutl who were not unilineal and were not necessarily exogamous. Every clan had at least two phratries, or divisions, with each phratry taking on a representative crest. In the north, the Tlingit and Haida tribes had very distinct clan lines, were matrilineal and marriage only occurred with the opposite sex in a sister phratry. For example, the two main phratries of the Tlingit were the Wolf and the Raven. A Raven woman could only marry a Wolf man or vice a versa. (McFeat 1966:43).This practice's ultimate cause, as similar to all unilineal societies was to prevent inbreeding but was justified by the complex distribution of honors and clan power. As stated earlier, northwestern societies were stratified into three layers: elder/honored, commoners and slaves. Intermarriage with slaves was not tolerated. A Northwestern Native American gained prestige or honor through the cultural practice of the potlatch. This was a type of redistribution ceremony that was tabulated by individual. In short, the monetary unit of measure is the blanket. The entire redistribution process of the potlatch centers around a distribution of blankets. The higher the number of blankets, the higher the prestige. Even an individual's name centered around this trade of woven blankets. The copper, originating from southeastern Alaska (presumably Tlingit territory) is the highest form of monetary exchange, with a dugout canoe being at the secondary level, but all were calculated by number of blankets (McFeat 1966:72-80).
The Kwakiutl were a part of the Salish language group, residing near the Puget Sound. The Salish were dotted amongst the coast, and their pattern of distribution directly correlates with the British Columbia and the Cascade mountain ranges, both of which had only five passable points: all of which are rivers. Water navigation was especially important for all Northwestern tribes, though some relied more upon sea-faring vessels than others. The Salish and Penutian did not travel in the Pacific as much as the Tlingit or Haida. The Haida tribe is located on a island, making sea-faring an essential part of tribal life. Around 11,000 B.P., the populations of Athapaskan that inhabited the smallest river valleys were linguistically absorbed, simply due to an overwhelming invading population moving into the land. Only the medium to large river valleys were inhabited by a large enough population of Costal Athapaskan to resist inland migration (Krantz 1977:27).
The method used for making a dugout canoe was highly praised by G. M. Sproat who traveled to the Northwest Coast around the turn of the century. In an excerpt from Tom McFeat's Indians of the North Pacific Coast, Sproat recounts the high level of craftsmanship that went into the making of the canoe, "The most skilful canoemakers among the tribes are the Nitinahts and the Klah-oh quahts. They make canoes for sale to other tribes. Many of these canoes are of the most accurate workmanship and perfect design - so much so that I have heard persons fond of such speculations say that the Indians must have acquired the art of making these beautiful vessels in some earlier civilized existence," (McFeat 1966:19). The method used to create the dugout was a hand-held chisel and steam: stones were heated until red-hot, and then placed into the a small amount of water inside of the canoe. The steam then allowed the Natives to pull apart the sides of the hollowed out trunk and brace them.
Following Krantz' theory of population migration, any given population would settle continuously in any uninhabited area. If this theory is correct, the Costal Athapaskan would have stretched North to South along the North Pacific coast area. As Krantz's figure 7 suggests by way of the dotted line, the population in some areas was sparse and would have been absorbed like the smaller river valleys if the population was not substantial enough to remain linguistically and culturally distinct (Krantz 1977:19). This being said, the technique of dugout canoe most likely came from the Athapaskan tradition, as they were originally sea-faring peoples. It is highly unlikely that diffusion of the canoe method came from inland to coast, simply due to its uselessness to inland populations.
It is generally agreed that the populating of the new world came from a migration from across the Pacific. How these ancestral peoples arrived on the shores of the New World is debatable. Whether or not they traveled by foot through the glacial passes, shore-hopped following the marine mammals up through the arctic or sailed directly from China/Japan is still open to question. Pan-Pacific similarities are clues to these Native people's origins. We know the original population was divided by the glacial mountains. The Athapaskan costal route is delineated by linguistic similarities all the way from Alaska into Northern California. This relatively quick migration was only possible through sea-faring technology, and when compared with boat building methods in China and Japan, the Costal Athapaskan method is most similar to China. Where the peoples of Japan use only fire (Brooks 2001) to mold the wood, it is Chinese tradition to use steam. In fact, in November of 2002, Chinese archaeologists uncovered China's oldest dugout canoe, having a radio carbon date back 7,500 Y.B.P.(English 2002). Another similarity is Tlingit armor, similar in style to the Feudal Japanese armor(Waldman 1985:72).
A major southern language shift is evident through the divided linguistic affiliations of the Northwestern rivers. Closer to the mouths of the four rivers: the Columbia River, the Snoqualmie Pass, The Fraser River the Homathko River and the Dean River, linguistic affiliations are more similar to the northern Athapaskan than the southern Salish or Penutian groups. The cause of this mysterious southward shift points directly at the Haida. The Haida resided on present-day Queen Charlotte Island off the coast of British Columbia, Canada. Being the only population that did not shift southward, and that the closest tribes of the Tlingit and Tsimshian shifted the smallest amount, one can infer that some advancement in technology would have given the Haida an upper hand to overtake these rich costal resources. Once relatively isolated, the Haida developed a sea-faring dugout canoe, able to carry up to 60 armed men for costal invasions. With this new innovation, neighboring tribes were pressed to develop similar technology and until their ability to match the new Haida innovation, continued to lose land to the usurpers (Krantz 1977:38-39).
It was technological advancement that allowed the Athapaskan to not only arrive first along this costal region, but to dominate neighboring groups later on. The linguistic distribution of the costal region is adequately explained by Grover Krantz's theories of population migration. The later arriving inland peoples, although larger in number, were not able to push the original Athapaskan population out of their established communities. Smaller encampments did become linguistically absorbed by the influx of Salish and Penutian, but in all, the costal expansion of the Na-Dene language group played a dominant role in shaping the linguistics of the Northwestern Cultural area.
Further speculation can be made as to the North Pacific coastal linguistic affiliations with the Far East. Some questions that could not be answered in the breadth of this essay was the glottochronologic evidence for the origins of these Native Americans. The technological similarities are most likely not coincidental, but require continued research to be a certainty.

Let's hear it for Finals week! Give me an "F"... er...
>^_^<

oil

"It is better to burn out than to fade away"

unless you're at the sentimental end of a romantic movie..

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