This is Life!: Revolutions Around the Cruciform Axis

Congratulations! And I'll let you be the very first to know that wifey and I are expecting number four, due next summer, also. I pray that it's a girl, because after three daughters, I just wouldn't know how to raise a son. ;)

Clifton, I just read 'the rest of' your story. I am shocked and ashamed on your behalf at the reaction of your family. This should be a joyous occasion, indeed! My, how far Christians have fallen when they've bought into secular society's notions of the ideal number of children and the circumstances into which they must be born. Woe is us!

Clifton, that is really too bad. We have friends who have 5 kids and basically got the same reaction (from "Christian" family members, coincidently) that you did when they had number 3. When number 4 was conceived, they didn't tell family until the 8th month of the pregnancy. When said family expressed sadness that they weren't told about the conception of the 4th and thus weren't invited to any of the showers, etc, our friends said, "Well, you weren't very happy about or supportive of [name of child #3]. We didn't want to bother you with the news of [name of child #4]."

Hey Bro,

You and your family are in my prayers. We are thrilled for you!

Just an FYI, Mae never spilled the beans. She almost did several times, but then just ackward changes of topic happened.

Tripp -- "I just had some tasty asain food"
Mae -- "Really? So, they tell you about (then realizing he ate alone)...the way soybeans were brought to Japan on the back of a humpback whale that somehow came from Decatur, IL?"

Congratulations! May you have grace to deal with those who are less than excited about the bountiful goodness of God.

Hey.

I already knew, though your attempt warms my thai lovin' tummy! And I echo the frustration. I am very sorry that things fell apart at home at Thanksgiving. It is kind of unimaginable. But this is the land of 2.4 kids and a dog. You have no dog. That's likely the problem. Get a dog, Cliff.

I don't want to make light of what is obviously painful to you. I'm just cornfused.

Let's get some asian food post haste, brotherman!

I figured, Tripp. I ain't too subtle, as you know.

What's to un-cornfuse you with? I'm as blank as anyone--and I experienced it.

In retrospect it's clear that the attack engines had been revvin' prior to our arrival. We got in late Wednesday night. Thursday morning, we went over to my dad and stepmom's for a few hours' chat, then went directly over to my mom's, where both my sisters and their families, two uncles, a couple of aunts (one with her family), three cousins (one with her family), and my mom's parents--all there. In retrospect, it is now clear to us that our every move was being watched. And we endured for most of the day, after our announcement to the family at the prayer, the questions in which our pregnancy was reduced to silver and gold. We did our best to make light of such comments, but it was difficult.

The next day, we had brunch with my dad and stepmom, and then went over to my mom's. We got our kids in the door, prepared plates for meals--and I never even got a chance to sit down--when my sister launched her salvo. Again, we endured some critical comments prior to the attack, and again we did our best to joke about them. But the whole time my sister was making truly wicked comments directed at my wife and me--in an undertone, but enough for us to hear. But when she explicitly attacked my wife, I lost it. After a few minutes of shouting, I motioned to Anna that we were leaving. We went back to my other sister's house.

That evening that sister and I had a difficult, but what I thought was ultimately a very productive conversation. I thought we had clarified some misunderstandings, I had corrected some misconceptions, and we even hugged one another.

So, imagine my surprise the next day, when, ostensibly to "be honest and open with one another" I was treated to yet another diatribe. I ended up shouting again, and was pretty much kicked out and told never to return.

And the things for which my sisters are attacking my wife and me, are ultimately such petty things: differences in how we parent and run our household, failing to proactively say thanks (note that: not failing to say thanks altogether, but failing to say it a certain number of times before the stay is over), and other such crap.

It just blows my mind. I have never been so cruelly treated by my own family before.

Let me be clear: They will have their own account of these events, and this is just my take on the matter.

But whatever the truth of all these things, one thing is for sure: I have had my trust in my own family destroyed.

We have decided we won't be going back to their homes for the holidays. We may still visit my dad--we don't have any beef with him or my stepmom--but I don't know what his reaction will be to all this. The way I feel right now, I'm questioning everything--I don't even know if we'll be welcome at dad's.

I went through a period of time when my "family" was my Church fellowship. My sister just spent part of the week with us and part with my parents. Its like we're really family again after 30 years. All you can do right now is be humble, ask forgiveness for offenses given whether real or imagined and let them go. Resentment is letting someone live in your head rent free.

I will pray for you and your family, brother.

I hope that you don't mind a comment from a stranger, but I have been reading your blog off and on for a few years, since I became interested in Orthodoxy.

I think there are many issues tied up in this, as you have noted. You have been sinned against, I would estimate (although I only have your side of the story). So, the following comment is not for now; be angry and hurt and confused --- you don't have control over what you feel. You just feel it. When you have had some time to grieve, be loving. Nothing pours hot coals upon the heads of those who "offend and abuse" us as love, but vengeance is not our motive. Love is asceticism.

Oh, and congratulations and many years on the conception of your third child. Children are always a blessing from God. May the prayers of the Theotokos and of Ss. Basil the Elder and Emily be with you both (as well as St. Eleutherius).

Congratulations!

Clifton:
I am so sorry to hear about this; I can certainly imagine the hurt, confusion and grief. For such good news to be criticized and dismissed in this way -- when I imagine it, I feel devastated. It feels as if it were a curse rather than a blessing.

Please know that you are in our prayers, for peace, discernment, and faithful love.

And also: most hearty congratulations for the life of a new Healy! In God, may she* be a credit to her* parents and a blessing to her* generation!

(* Or he/his, depending.)

JF+