This is Life!: Revolutions Around the Cruciform Axis

The Journey to Antioch (Part XI)

3. Orthodox Encounters June 2002 to September 2003 (Part F)

I have, to this point, lingered quite a bit over the half-year period from June to December 2002. This has mainly been because this was perhaps the most important several months yet in my inquiry about Orthodoxy. During this time I had settled important questions in my mind regarding the biblical nature of the place of Tradition, of bishops, of the tranformation of the Eucharistic elements, and of the implications in terms of salvation and sanctification, of visible unity and historic continuity, resulting from the Church's being the Body of Christ. I had "discovered" the reality and aid of the intercessions of the saints on our behalf, particularly of the Theotokos. And I had become a (soon-to-be) father. Mind, worship, heart and family had been radically re-formed in just over two hundred days.

The living into that reality, however, even now has only barely just begun.

Despite my best efforts to care for my wife's spiritual needs as well as to heed the very clear call from God to prioritize faith and discipleship, I frequently failed to accomplish much of either. On 9 February 2003, I was back at All Saints again. And once again, I was confronted with another "St. Anthony moment." This time it was the Matins Gospel, John 21:15-25. Here I was Peter, being asked of Christ, "Do you love me more than these?"

I was not being called to trample on my wife's sensibilities. I was not called to "go it alone" into the Orthodox Church. But I was called to put Christ first, to focus my heart and mind on his will, and not worry myself about the interim details.

At this time there was no indications that the standoff, of sorts, that existed between Anna and I regarding the Orthodox Church was anywhere near resolution or further compromise. I could understand Anna's frustration. From where she was at, there was no decent church which we could attend--without driving all the way out to the suburbs. She would do some research and come up with some names of congregations. But when I investigated further we found problems. Of the, to me, more minor sort: a worship style that did not suit Anna's preferences (though, clearly, this was--and is--a major issue for Anna); a staff that did not return phone calls or emails of potential visitors. Of the more major variety: serious questions regarding particular churches' teachings on faith and morality. It seemed the wider we cast our net, the more deeply we looked into a specific congregation, the more trouble we found.

In my own experience, the only acceptable parish--in terms of doctrinal and moral teaching alone--was All Saints parish. And that, of course, was probelmatic for Anna.

So, I continued, as often as I could and maintain homestead harmony, to return to All Saints. The start of Great Lent, in March 2003, was extremely powerful for me. I participated in my first Forgiveness Vespers. I prayed, for the first time, the Great Canon of St. Andrew. And I experienced my first Pre-Sanctified Liturgy. In fact, it was at that last that I also for the first time had both the understanding as well as something of the experience of the presence of the saints with us as we worship God.

But with Anna's brother, Delane, in the hospital, and our visits there to see him, with the demands of being a full-time student, teaching two classes at two different colleges, and working half-time, the rest of Lent quickly passed. I was busy, distracted and torn in many directions.

Pascha came, and one other first was added to my experience of Orthodoxy. Cognizant of my Lenten failures, when St. John Chrysostom called even me, one who had not kept the fast, who had not lived faithfully, to the Feast, I nearly wept. It was, by far, the single most powerful worship service in which I had ever participated.

For some months, it had been my practice, after praying Morning Prayers on Saturday mornings, to immediately pray the rosary. After Pascha, in mid-May, on a Saturday--as it happened, the one preceding Mother's Day, though the consciousness of that does not yet enter the story--I prayed the rosary and asked the intercessions of the Theotokos. The one request I made specifically while praying the rosary was that Anna would see fit to accompany me to All Saints for the Divine Liturgy the next day.

Let me remind you of some facts: Anna had been resolutely opposed to the Orthodox Church for some months. She had only visited an Orthodox Church on two occasions, both in 2001. I'm not sure why I asked the Blessed Virgin to pray that Anna would go to church with me. I don't recall any positive indicators.

In any case, we ran errands all that Saturday, buying a few hundred dollars' worth of baby stuff at the outlet malls north of Chicago. It wasn't until we'd gone to bed, and were laying there listening to the gathering spring storm outside that I decided I would risk an emotional confrontation to ask Anna if she'd go to worship with me. She reluctantly said yes.

So, on a Mother's Day two years after her first visit to an Orthodox Church, Anna accompanied me to All Saints Orthodox Church. As it so happened, the parish priest, Father Patrick, was out of town, and another diocesan priest, Father Malek, served the Divine Litugry--who, ironically, was the one serving the Typika on my first visit to All Saints back in July 2000 (he was Father Deacon Malek at that time).

The sermon, from my vantage point, was probably the best possible "re-introduction" to Orthodoxy that Anna could have had. Being Mother's Day, and the Sunday of the Myrrh-bearing Women, Father Malek preached on the place of women in the Church, and, quintessentially, on the Mother of our Lord.

I'm not sure what sort of things worked themselves out in Anna's heart and mind that day or in the days following. But there were small changes evident. Not the least of which was her accepting of Father Patrick coming and blessing Sofie on her birth.

[Next: 3. Orthodox Encounters June 2002 to the Present (Final Part . . . for now)]

Posted by Clifton at March 8, 2004 05:30 AM | TrackBack